BULLIES: Surviving The Pain & Winning In Life!

BULLY: DEFINITION

noun, plural bullies.
1.a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers
and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

2.a person hired to do violence.

3.a pimp; procurer. verb (used with object), bullied, bullying.

1.to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer. verb (used without object), bullied, bullying.

1.to be loudly arrogant and overbearing.
Synonyms

6. cow, browbeat, coerce; terrorize, tyrannize.

British Dictionary definitions for bully

1.

a person who hurts, persecutes, or intimidates weaker people

2.

(archaic) a hired ruffian

Before Facebook and Twitter...before the Internet and Cell phones..there were BULLIES. For thousands of years there have been Bullies. We hear about it more now, than ever before, because of the Internet. However, Bullies are not a new thing. And there are different types of Bullies. As you can see in the definition above, they come in all forms.

Dianna posted a kick off to a new project called #DD4LFansAgainstBullies. This was in response to a Young Fan, she was communicating with. She is a victim of bullying. She has gotten to the point of wanting to commit suicide. Dianna has been telling her how important it was, for her to see, how much folks cared. We hope that everyone has been posting the hashtag above, on the status updates to spread the word. We also hope that if YOU KNOW someone dealing with bullying, you will share this story of survival. There is hope.

I don't know how old this fan is but I wanted to send a special shout-out to her. YOU ARE NOT ALONE...YOU CAN SURVIVE & WIN! No matter what you think you look like or who you think you are...YOU ARE IMPORTANT! That’s why we wanted to tell the story of, a Survivor of Bullying.

She started life in a time when there were no computers or cell phones. When girls were told to stay in their place and not cause trouble. When life was supposed to be simpler and more open and honest. But her world was full of constant fear. Each day brought tears and untold feelings that never went away. As the sun rose in the sky each morning, she would wake up, wondering, what she would have to do that day, to avoid the people, who always seemed to be in the shadows, waiting to torture her.

From the drunken, tirades of her mother, who seemed to only call her by the horrible name she had given her, years before, to the brother, who lived to make her life miserable, to the kids at school, who talked about her family, under their breath and teased her unmercifully . Each morning, she just wanted, to not wake up and to not have to deal with the day. But each time, she knew, she had no choice but to just stand up and face it. Living in a time when suicide was considered a sin and kids just didn't do stuff like that, killing herself was never an option.

She knew she wanted to live and she knew there were people who cared and who loved her, even though it seemed they weren’t paying attention. She just didn't know how to get the support she needed. By age 12 and 1/2, her life, was to the point of total chaos. The abuse and bullying by her Mother had escalated into physical abuse and her brother's level of abuse had increased to regular sexual abuse. The only place she had always felt safe, was gone. Her grandmother had passed and she was on her own to either fight or to just accept it and to know that by accepting, her life would probably be over.

But just like all the times before, her heart told her to fight. To fight with everything she knew. Once accepting that she was not going to take it and that she was willing to do whatever it took to come out of it, her mind was made up. After yet one more fierce episode with her Mom and yet one more bad outcome, she packed what she could carry and walked away from this horrible world. A world that had made her more than ready, to move forward to something else.

Her hope of being totally free from bullying with this drastic move, appeared to be closer than ever. But with life and with bullies, just moving away or running away, doesn't guarantee that you are free of bullying. There are bullies everywhere. They are everywhere because bullies come from situations where they have problems too. Going to an Orphanage, makes that truth more reality, than most folks can absorb.

There are hundreds of kids, all pulled from the only families they have known, thrown together with untrained adults, trying to monitor everybody and everything. The bullying combinations become endless.

Her shyness and lack of self-confidence, made her an instant target & her newly, blossoming body made her even more vulnerable. The bullying seemed to take on a different form in the children's home. She didn't feel the threatening family connection anymore but felt like she was out in the middle of a war, all on her own, with no one to tell or ask for help. She knew that she had to learn to take care of herself and to defend herself, if she was going to survive.

It seemed like 4 years took 10, to her. It finally seemed like she had made it...like she had overcome the bullies and the bad people in her life. Graduation was being set free from prison. She felt strong and sure that she would never have to go through being bullied and abused ever again.

Then she met him. The one thing, she had never encountered in her life. A man, who both stole her heart and shook her world. He was handsome and strong and had all of the right conversations. But he too was a bully. He too, had his way of intimidation and domineering ways. He too was living through his own set of problems. He too wanted the control and power that bullying gives people. Through 16 years of beatings and abuse and degrading, name calling, along with putting her on the street to make money, she succumbed to the bullying. She had been taught that you get married, you have children, you stay until they are grown. So she spent those years, thinking, yet again, she was trapped and there was no way out of the horror, she had allowed. Her children were her saving grace and she clung to that as much as she could.

It would seem, with her life getting turned totally upside down, there would never be a chance to get out of the abuse, she had accepted for so long. Drug abuse...beatings...forced behavior and exploitation appeared to be the final chapter of her life. She was to the bottom of the barrel and at the end of her rope. She had allowed herself to be bullied for so long, she no longer wanted to fight. She only wanted it to stop. She just wanted to be at peace and to be finished with her crazy, out of control life. For the first time in her entire life, she felt her only option was to do what so many were doing. To take her own life. To end the pain and the torture and to give up on trying to be happy or to be okay.

As she stood waiting for the end of her life to be full filled, she prayed what she thought was her final prayer. She asked God to forgive her for being weak and to take care of her family and her children. While she prayed that final prayer, she began to feel a peace in her heart, she had never felt before. But the peace didn't come from knowing her life was about to end, it came from relief that she wouldn't have to be that person anymore....relief from living in terror every single day.

But God wasn't ready for her to go and the next step she made, changed the course of her life forever. Like turning on a light in a dark room, the words she heard, made her realize that she was valuable and important...if to no one else but God...she was worthy of being alive. She heard in her heart, God say, " I make no mistakes and you are valuable to me. Lean on me child, You still have work to do. Know that I will carry you until you are strong again!"

As the tears poured down, the fear went away and the courage, she remembered from so long ago, began to come back. She walked away from the abuse. She declared her freedom from bullying and her freedom from the chains of feeling like she wasn't good enough to be part of this life. She started her journey to becoming the person, God brought her here to be.

Through the years, she has crossed the paths of Bullies, many times. She has dropped her guard but has never again wavered in her promise to NEVER allow ANYONE to make her feel unworthy or unloved again. Because of that promise, she has become strong and confident and capable of standing up to anyone who threatens to Bully or Intimidate or Abuse, who she is.

After years of working on being who she is today, she has also influenced the people around her. Her children, her grandchildren, her friends and family all know she is tough and she don't play about bullying. This has encouraged them to stand up against bullies themselves and to be the protectors of those they meet who appear to be victims. Her confidence that no matter, what she looks like, she is a beautiful person and no matter the opinions of others, she is a valuable part of this world, shows in the work she does and the life she lives.

Bullies are people who have problems themselves. But that doesn't give them permission to abuse others. Whether by the words said or the actions taken, bullying comes in many different ways. It is not okay. It is not funny. It is not cool. 

The girl in the story above is me. I grew up in an abusive, alcoholic family. I fought my brother off of me for years. I fought an abusive husband for over 16 years. I endured a mother who called me "Slut" instead of my name until I couldn't take it anymore.

But after years, when I got to the point of taking my own life, because I was so tired of hurting and feeling the pain I was feeling, I had a life changing event happen. I realized in those moments that no matter WHO you are,

YOU MATTER! GOD DON'T MAKE MISTAKES! YOU HAVE A PURPOSE!

It has been many years now and I am old. I haven't taken abuse or accepted it in my world for many years. Bullies haven't changed since I was a kid. The kids who called me names across the school yard or the intimidation from brothers and other people to make those who allow it do unspeakable things....none of that has changed...it has just evolved into different forms.

We now have instant bullying and instant pain shoveled out. Our kids and others who may not be kids, are trapped, in a pattern of abuse and bullying that sends them to the point of wanting to commit suicide...and many have done that. Young, precious lives taken because they felt no hope....They felt their lives didn't matter anymore…Grown folks, who were just too tired of dealing with other grown folks picking on them…

Our society has allowed bullying to not be a big deal and to let those that are the "BULLIES" get away with it for so long, those that are living through it, lose hope and feel they have no other way out. Changing that, like everything else, takes a village. It takes us recognizing bullying and helping those being bullied to overcome being a victim.

My generation said, get over it and move on....God only knows the victims of bullying from my era, who didn't make it. I was blessed to recognize the truth before, I didn't make it. I recognized that the folks who make our rules of what is acceptable and who is acceptable are inferior themselves and have no right to say who is good and who isn’t because of looks or circumstances.

For anyone who loves the Dancing Dolls and who is reading this article...KNOW THIS...

1.     The people picking on you, have many more problems than you do!

2.     There is no such thing as PERFECT! If they are being mean to you and "BULLYING" YOU...it’s because, they KNOW they are not PERFECT! They are also "undercover scaredy cats"! IF YOU CONFRONT THEM And LET THEM KNOW...YOU AREN'T SCARED OF THEM...they will back down and leave you alone!

3.     GOD DON'T MAKE MISTAKES! You were born for a reason! Even if you don't see a reason, there is one. Don't LEAVE Before You Figure It Out!

4.     All of those so-called BULLIES are just trying to find the same approval you are...they just do it by being mean and treating others badly.

5.     What You Put Up With...You End Up With! If you don't stand up now, you will have to put up with BULLIES your entire life. Life is hard enough without being bullied. 

6.     YOU ARE VALUABLE..YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL...YOU ARE NEEDED!

7.     YOU ARE NEVER ALONE...In today's world, all you have to do is connect to social media...there are millions that are ready to offer support, advice and comfort to those going through problems.

8.     NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, IF YOU JUST KNOW HOW LOVED YOU REALLY ARE!